THE MIND AND BELLY OF A MAN

Like many around the globe, as a young girl born and raised in eastern Nigeria in the early 70's, I was taught that, "A way to a man's heart is through his stomach." I grew up believing that narrative. It is true in some ways but doesn't define or prove a man's feelings for you, devotion, or his everlasting love. Then, as a young adult, a professional woman, and a mother, I understood that if/when a man's belly is full, but his mind is disturbed, his heart split, then, his spirit will not be at rest.

Our parents taught their sons and our brothers, "Be a man! Men are not supposed to cry! Take it like a man! Men are not supposed to cook or do house chores!" They were nurtured to believe and accept such archaic narratives which structured many minds while destroying generations of men. 

The question remains: What or how are YOU teaching your sons and grandsons? Don't forget your daughters and granddaughters. 

As a mother of two daughters and two sons, I am intentional with my actions and what I teach or share with them. First, "Always know your way around the kitchen. After all, you gotta eat. It's okay to cry. Even cry out loud without shame and no explanation! There's nothing wrong with showing your emotions or being vulnerable because neither is a sign of weakness. Always be kind to yourself (first) and others. Loving yourself should always come first. Your peace of mind should not be jeopardized for any reason or by anyone." I reinforce these facts and more to my kids and anyone who cares to listen. My kids cook, grocery shop, move trash and recycle bins, and do other house chores. None of these tasks is gender-based. 

We are humans with growling stomachs. Therefore, we gotta eat at some point, huh?

Food is one of the ways that the human body survives. Food helps us grow and ensures that all our organs work properly. For instance, it helps digestion, keeps us breathing, keeps our heart beating, and helps our brain function. As important as food is, where we shop for food is also relevant. As Africans and Non-Africans in the diaspora, we are far from home and miss it sometimes, if not A LOT. Therefore, having that African store where you can run in and buy tasty jollof rice, fried plantains, and stewed goat meat, or shop for those unique food ingredients and fresh produce that remind us of home and our childhood feels almost like falling in love for the first time or all over again. That's WHY Southwest Farmers Market - SWFM is here for us; our other kitchen and to-go African store that feels like home. With thirteen SWFM store locations across the country, we'd never have to worry about where to buy our belly & heart desires, regardless of the season, affordably.

June is Men's Mental Health Awareness Month. Southwest Farmers Market supports and empowers boys, young men, and aging men. Caring for the men and boys in our lives should also extend to their emotional and mental well-being. We are all humans with beating hearts. So, we all feel, we all bleed, and we all need to heal. A woman's mental health is equally as important as a man's.

Each day, many men (and boys) live, struggle, and hurt in silence. Many die in silence, just because. They carry the weight of their "shame" and struggle for reasons. Many even die of poverty. Being a man doesn't mean numbing your feelings. Animals and trees have feelings too. Even the storms roar and the earthquakes. It's their way of expressing their feelings.

Every single year in the United States, some studies have shown that millions of men battle with some form of mental illness with depression taking the lead. A greater percentage of them contemplate suicide as much as many of them end up choosing death to ease their struggles. No form of mental illness should be hidden, ignored, shamed, or stigmatized. Sadly, they are. It is normal for anyone to struggle and battle with things within or beyond their control. It's also important to ask for help. There is no shame in saying: "I need help. This is happening to me. I am feeling this way and having these thoughts. Please help me."

Sharing your feelings and thoughts or asking for help shows how much you love and care for yourself. Many of us would agree that our brains can confuse us sometimes; telling us there's no need to ask for help, not to keep trying, and to lose hope. But, it's important to remember that, "Hope is faith holding out its hand in the dark." So, it's okay not to be okay! After all, we are humans. 

Some of the best ways to survive remain to keep breathing and moving, being focused, determined, positive, hopeful, and resilient. Confucius once said, "The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall."  

You don't have to prove anything to anyone that everything is okay or not okay. You owe yourself everything to be the best of you, regardless. Each day, you should choose to do your best to keep taking one deep breath at a time, doing your best against all odds, being un-silent without shame, knowing your true tribe, and having faith in yourself & God or Allah. Easier said than done, huh? But it is doable once your heart beats because grace always has a way of finding us. So, you should choose to be determined to survive and become the best of you while feeding your mind and body in healthy ways. 

When feeling numb, empty, hopeless, or somehow, or if you know someone struggling or having thoughts of suicide, call or text the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988 or chat at  In life-threatening situations, call 911.  

Remember, if the best thing you did on a single day was to survive, commend yourself because you have done a great job. Even better than those who didn't survive.  

In the meantime, you should always be intentional to treat yourself, the men in your life, your sons, brothers, and friends too, with healthy, delicious meals from Southwest Farmers Market near you. Also shop for your pantry & refrigerator at SWFM.

Don't let June end without making at least, one sumptuous meal for him. It doesn't need to be his birthday. 

Make every single day count.  

#June #MentalHealthAwareness #Men #southwestfarmersmarket

Nkem DenChukwu